Okay, so this "Juan Portos" guy...selling Porto's Bakery out of his car trunk? Seriously? Is this peak California or what? We've got a full-blown black market for cheese rolls now?
The Underground Economy of Craving
Let's be real, Porto's is good. Damn good. The kind of good that makes you drive across town, wait in line for an hour, and still feel like you got a deal. Potato balls, cheese rolls...they're basically crack. But good enough to fuel a freaking underground delivery service from L.A. to the Bay? Apparently.
This Juan Portos character is driving a booming business, meeting his brother halfway, slinging 30-40 boxes of pastries a day. He's basically a pastry mule. And people are eating it up (pun intended). $30 for a dozen cheese rolls? That's highway robbery! But, offcourse, people are paying it. Why? Because they're desperate.
Here's the thing: Porto's knows about this. They "appreciate the enthusiasm," but don't authorize it. Translation: "We're making bank, and this dude is doing our marketing for us, so we're not gonna shut him down." Smart move, I guess. But it also feels kinda...icky. Like they're profiting off of a gray-area hustle.
And the social media reaction? Mixed, naturally. Some are impressed, others are suspicious. Suspicious of what, exactly? That a dude is selling baked goods out of his trunk? I mean, yeah, it's weird, but is it that shocking in California? We've seen weirder.
Former KTVU journalist Stanley Roberts is even posting about it. I miss his "People Behaving Badly" segments. Maybe Juan Portos can be the subject of a sequel. "Pastries Behaving Badly?"
The Bakery Landscape: Beyond the Hype
Then you got Hi Bake, this Hong Kong bakery chain, opening up in Beverly Hills. Sixty locations in China, and now one in L.A. Are they trying to take on Porto's? Doubt it. They're probably aiming for a different market, a different vibe. But it does make you wonder: why isn't Porto's expanding faster? They've got the demand. They've got the product. What's the hold-up?
They say they have no plans to expand to the Bay Area beyond their Porto's At Home frozen shipment service. Frozen? Seriously? That's like saying you can experience the magic of Disneyland by watching a YouTube video of the fireworks. It's just not the same.
And what about Guevara's Bakery in Carson? Started by a couple who used to sell on the street. Now they've got a brick-and-mortar store. That's the American dream right there. But are they as good as Porto's? Do they have the same kind of cult following? Probably not. But they're out there grinding, trying to make a name for themselves. Respect.
Gusto Bread in Long Beach got nominated for a James Beard award. Twice! That's huge. Mexican and indigenous-inspired pastries? Sounds interesting. Maybe I should check that out. Or maybe I'll just stick with my cheese rolls. I don't know...
And 85 Degrees Bakery Cafe? Taiwanese chain. Big deal. There's a million bakeries in L.A. What makes them so special? I'm not seeing it. But then again, maybe I'm just a cynical jerk who's too obsessed with Porto's. These are 10 must-try bakeries in the Los Angeles area - Los Angeles Daily News
So, What's the Real Story?
This whole thing is ridiculous. We're talking about pastries here. But it's also kind of brilliant. Juan Portos saw a need, and he filled it. He's a hustler, plain and simple. And in California, that's practically a virtue. Whether it's a "taste of Cuban heaven" or just another way to make a buck...who am I to judge? Still, ain't nobody gonna stop him?